I got this sore throat last week, which I would normally power through with the aid of hot teas and throat lozenges, but it radiated a deep, raw ache all the way into my ears, and I couldn't sleep. There was a 13 hour drive home ahead of me, too, which I was concerned about trying to make on little sleep and feeling sick. There was also the laryngitis that kind of broke the proverbial camel's back. So I went to the doctor, waited 2 hours in the exam room trying not to loose my cool, and after a 30 second once over by the doc, left with a prescription for an antibiotic.
I had forgotten how quick they are to hand those out.
The unsettling fact about this routine is that I have gotten the laryngitis/cold-thing combo once a year for the last 5-or-so years, albeit usually during cold season. I'd say 3 out of 5 doctor visits have yielded an "It's a virus, and there's nothing we can give you for it" verdict. But I took the antibiotic this time and worried with each dose about the lack of blood brain barrier between this drug and my tiny, developing child.
How can a doctor know in a few glances, without a shadow of doubt, that an illness is bacterial or viral, treatable or not? I've been on more antibiotics over the course of my life than I could possibly count and at what long term consequence to my immune system? Maybe none, but these questions lead me to bigger quandaries like, "How can I fully trust an OB, who I don't know from Adam, to make unbiased, selfless decisions on behalf of me and this baby?" It's not that I think malicious or irresponsible decisions will be made in the delivery room, but dogmatic ones scare me just the same when they are contrary to my wishes.
I got to talk to a midwife yesterday and felt slightly relieved about the hands to which I've currently committed my delivery experience. She assured that epidurals would not be pushed during labor and that the C-section rate is considerably lower as compared to the local civilian hospital and the national average. Babies have to room-in because there is no well baby nursery, and the labor rooms are all private (just not the recovery rooms). I should feel warmer and fuzzier after that conversation, but I keep thinking back to that doctor's office last week. It felt like he estimated my diagnosis, and that was after the nurse told me that I should have just called my OB back home and had him/her call in a prescription - to treat WHAT? That sums up my opinion of medicine and thus leads me to distrust what will go down when this baby decides to vacate the womb.
At 7 months pregnant, I'm still on the fence with the decision of hospital birth vs. home birth. Fear of the unknown and cost steer me toward the hospital and personal medical ethics steer me toward home birth. The clock is ticking and I'm doing what I usually do when I feel overwhelmed - nothing. At least now I can answer the question asked by a Bradley Method instructor 5 months ago. She wanted to know why I was so averted to doctors and conventional medicine, why I was so hell bent on avoiding an OB altogether. It has been an opinion forming since the first asthma attack that sent me to the Le Bonheur ER when I was 3, the result, I understand, of poor diagnosis and/or pediatric treatment.
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